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Humorous Networking

Networking is simply building relationships and every time you attend events you want to be leaving every interaction or conversation with others thinking ‘What a nice person they were’. Long after we forget what people do or say to us, we never forget how people make us feel.

Part of my training or presentations will guide you on how to network politely and with confidence so that people respond well to you so you make new friends and acquaintances’ easily. Sometimes you will run across rude, ignorant and boorish people and you should treat these people as an opportunity. Learn from their bad example!

Don’t let rude networkers spoil your evening.

The Networking Hooligan


This is the rude, disrespectful ignorant networker. He generally attends events and generally upsets lots of people. What does he do to create this unhappy situation? Women generally are much nicer and tend to behave in a more courteous friendly way. Here are 10 disgusting behaviours:

  1. He doesn’t understand the rules of space. He stands too close and for those with claustrophobia is a living hell. You take a step back and he follows you.
  2. He comes over to you whilst you’re chatting with John. He knows John but not you. “Hi John, good to see you” and totally ignores you.
  3. In a group of three or four he turns his back on you during a conversation.
  4. When he’s had enough of you he simply walks off without a ‘by your leave’.
  5. He constantly hijacks the conversation. “Oh I’ve been there. I know someone better than him. I can beat that, it only took me…” etc etc.
  6. He is downright rude, sneers at something said or is uncomplimentary about other people and their business.
  7. He breaks into closed groups where it’s obvious they’re having a private and confidential conversation.
  8. He drinks too much too soon and behaves like the original lager lout.
  9. He tells inappropriate jokes or anecdotes
  10. And the worst behaviour of the hooligan is left until last. He’s the one who looks over your shoulder or around the room as he’s talking to you. His body language is saying “I’m bored with you, Will, I want out of here”. Fine, you don’t want to build a relationship with this hooligan do you? Move on. Simply say “Well, it’s good to meet you chief hooligan, will you excuse me I need to see my friend May over there”. He’ll think “thank goodness for that!”

We think that the below video from comedy duo Mitchell and Webb highlights this perfectly!

I have assembled some short videos on how not to network and we hope you find them amusing and instructive.